Epiphanies, Life Resets & Fun Side Quests! (34th Birthday Post)

Hellos & hellos!

I wish to inform you that I have come to the wonderful conclusion that my life is basically the journey of constant re-invention.

I realize these (seemingly) big life changing epiphanies just to get carried away by life. And then I get remined of these same realizations when something else happens, and I act like it’s new information all over again.

And I choose to let it surprise me like it did the first time.

That’s it. That’s the twee- no, not on my blog.

I have absolutely no idea who I thought I would be when I turned 34. I have not pictured myself married or with children (sorry mom), but I also didn’t picture myself still deliberating on my life’s purpose and whether I should eat one more slice of cake. (Pro tip: always eat the cake)

But I did know one thing, wherever I would be, whatever I would do, I would find a way to make it work and be happy doing it. And if I wasn’t happy, then I wasn’t going to settle till I was.

Enter the need for regular resets.

I think life resets are basic essentials to anyone who is invested in constantly bettering themselves. When the last version of you no longer serves the purpose of your life, you realize its time for an upgrade! Soft launch or hard launch it, but launch it nevertheless.

“Change is the only constant”

So how did I change in the last one year?

I did a complete overhaul of my media consumption.

Unsubscribed, unfollowed and unliked anything that no longer resonated with me. Goodbye 2000s OG Youtubers and loud, meaningless, click bait-y media with oversaturated colors. And hello to peaceful, vibey, cozy travel and food vlogs and the occasional endearing Kpop variety content. And lofi, lots and lots of lofi.

I (tried) to read more & (tried) to read before bed.

The exhaustion from doom scrolling is real. What are you thinking/consuming/processing before you sleep? What does your subconscious mind register when you close your eyes? And why do you never feel refreshed after an endless scrolling session? That’s why I have made it a mission to force myself to read before bed. 5 pages or even half a page. Anything is better than dance challenges and AI gen content.

Surprisingly the books I prefer now have also drastically changed from YA, rom-coms to non-fiction border lining philosophy. I enjoy the regular fiction, sure, but non-fiction feels more fun to me now. Especially the annotating and note taking. (Yes, this was an elaborate plot for any excuse to buy more stationary)

More intentional solo dates to new places.

I was always comfortable with going to new places alone. But this time, I wanted it to have a purpose. More people watching, more journaling, more noticing small details and being present. Somehow this helped me improve my attention span and listening skills. I felt more aware of my thoughts. How I am feeling and why I am feeling the way I do. My solo dates don’t always include my laptop anymore. Sometimes it’s just a pen and a book (or two? Lies, its actually four)

I am not up to date with the latest anything.

Except some Kpop content, career-related information and direly important world news, I don’t think I force myself to stay up to date with anything anymore. Not the latest trends, songs, releases, TV shows, or anything that doesn’t come my way. There. Is. Too. Much. Media. Trying. To. Fight. For. My. Attention. And I want to reserve my limited attention span, time and energy for things that matter. Family, friends, creativity, ideas, literally just life in general.

Thinking before emotionally reacting.

Okay this is a big one. I still react to things, its but natural to react. And oftentimes you cant help the way you react. But, but, I have become more aware of HOW I react. If its immediate without thinking, I take a step back and identify the underlying reasons to it. If I react wrongly, I try to make amends with a better follow up reaction. And if I don’t know how to react, I just… don’t. This has greatly helped me reduce the anxiety I feel after an interaction. Did I say too much? Did I say the wrong thing? Should I have not said that? Better to say nothing than to say something unnecessary that you will over analyze later.

I pay attention to what I am eating.

Not in a dietary restrictive way. In a mindful, I wonder-what-ingredient-creates-this-flavor-way. Do I still eat with YouTube running? Yes. But I now use YT videos to time my food and eat slower. Eating is such a default action because we do it countless times, but somehow I feel there is something very grounding in being aware of your senses during (or even before) your meals. This small but astute habit made me rethink a lot of mindless beliefs I had towards food, which made me even more unaware of what and how much I was even consuming. I realized that maybe I am not lactose intolerant after all, I quite like a good crunchy salad, I eat ramen exactly 7 days before my period, and my PMS symptoms include fried eggs and spicy food. Yay for baby steps towards intuitive eating!

I could if I wanted to, but I am choosing not to.

My mentor said this to me once. There is this quiet pleasure and self-confidence you develop when the person confronting you on a task realizes you are quite capable. But its not something you actively do simply out of the freedom of your choice in the matter.

I could cook if I wanted to, but I prefer not to.

I could manage my entire financial portfolio, but I rather hire an expert.

I could do this, whatever is asked of me, because I possess the basic knowledge and skills to do it. But whether I choose to do it or not is on me. And not because it is forced upon me.

How empowering is that?

Chasing daily inspirations and regular reinventions

My life’s mission right now is to see creative inspiration in anything and everything I do and come across. And if I don’t feel it? Reinvention time!

You know where this initiative came from? It came from this constant nagging feeling like I don’t have a lot going on in my life.

I realized there is a fine line between just living life and feeling like you are not living life to your true potential.

For the longest time I felt like I wasn’t doing a lot with my life in general. That I was capable of more, I deserved more, that I should do more and hustle more and just be point blank busy to prove myself.

But busy doesn’t exactly mean productive, or fulfilling now does it?

Its nice to do things that make you feel like you are working towards something. And what I have learned is the concept of busy should now lead you to something meaningful.

So reinventing to me now has evolved into a different definition.

I am comfortable with reinventing myself with new habits and a new kick of motivation every day, every hour, every other minute if I have to. I let anything inspire me and I actively seek it. From the random motivational IG reel or the color of a flower I saw on my morning walk. From the new recipe I want to learn, to the evil look my Duolingo app widget gives me.

Anything.

Everything.

Side quests that make life fun

You know that point in books and movies, when the lead is slowly rebuilding their life by doing all the things they said they would, but busy-busy always got in the way? And now, they are making minute but integral changes to their life by just truly living it one day at a time?

No? Then you need to watch more feel-good coming-of-age media, my friend.

But if yes, then I think that’s the best way to describe my life right now.

Wait, if you think I’m galivanting in across Europe and finding myself, then let me rephrase this.

I have finally learned to define myself without attaching any exterior validation of a title, salary or relationship. I am finding my way to be happy by just being me.

Whatever and whoever that is right now.

Because I have spent waaay too much of my life just finding purpose in things that eventually go away. Who am I without my job? Who am I without my relationships? Who am I without the things I own? Who am I?

If I take away all the titles from my life, what is left? Maybe that’s why the inclusion or absence of things always affected me more than what I would have liked. Because I attached way too much meaning into something that I used as a form to create my identity.

Ha, you’re just saying all this because you don’t have anything to show for your life. How convenient.

That’s not true. In fact, it’s the opposite. Because the pressure is off, I am now able to pursue everything with genuine passion and interest, because expectations are now just an empty standard to me.

I can do things simply for the fun of it, or for the interest of it. And not because I am trying to show how good I am, or skilled I am.

I no longer have anything to prove to anyone but myself that I am capable or worthy.

Do you have any idea how freeing that is?

So now, she has Substack

In the hopes to stay more inspired on a consistent basis, I have decided to start holding myself accountable to a creative pursuit for the fun of it.

So I started a Substack account called Days Of Rain & Summer, which was my original blog name too.

But you have a blog with a newsletter feature. Then why?

Because I want to write but I don’t know what to write about most times. And I don’t want to wait for inspiration to hit me to write. I just want to write. So I wanted a space where I didn’t have to think too much about the theme and what to write about. I just write.

Thought starters. Those saved unpublished notes. Reflective quotes I come across from what I read or watch. Favorite things I came across that week that mean something more to me. I just posted something. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Not creating pressure, just creative pursuits.

As they say (based on the latest trends, but millennials discovered it years ago but now its cool again), what is life without a little whimsical magic?

And to wrap things up, happy day to my big girl. I know I keep saying this but your 30s feel SO MUCH BETTER than your 20s. I don’t know what it is. The constant change, the fun, unexpected plot twists, the discovery of new things (hellos &TEAM), and new versions of yourself that you keep creating that make life feel alive again.

34 doesn’t feel so big, neither it feels small. It feels like the start of something. Maybe that’s why a fresh start sounds so appealing. I just don’t know what it is yet. But I’m excited for it.

I guess there is some comfort in knowing that whatever happens, it will all work out at the end. :)

Also 3+4 is 7 and OT7 is back this year, so how can it be anything other than amazing?  

To a year where your biggest worry is &TEAM and BTS going live at the same time,

Niki :)